It Can’t Always Be Your Fault.

Do you feel like no matter what you do, you're just wrong? Like, no matter how hard you try, you still mess up? Does it seem like everywhere you turn, you are to blame for all the problems, disagreements, misunderstandings, and mistakes?

That, my friend, is a statistical impossibility and a cognitive distortion. It isn’t true; it’s your inner critic hard at work! That inner voice may feel convincing, but it is just a big fat liar.

Assuming a person is making ordinary real-world judgements, not just flipping a coin, the statistical probability of someone being wrong about everything, all the time, across all circumstances, is effectively zero.  You cannot always make the wrong choice, whether that choice is about how to respond to someone, how to behave in a certain situation, or deciding on where to go for dinner or what car to buy.

Feeling like you are always wrong is a cognitive distortion, not a fact. It is a tool that your inner critic uses to attack the self.  Cognitive distortions are systematic errors in thinking that filter reality in a negative, self-attacking way, and they are a major driver of low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.

So why do you listen to that voice of your inner critic?  Just because it sounds like you?  Have you ever stopped to consider that, if that inner critic were a real person, it would be the most biased, unfair judge that you ever met?

What are cognitive distortions?

Simply put, cognitive distortions are

• Systematic errors in thought that are used by the inner critic to attack the self.

• Habitual thinking patterns that twist reality in a negative direction.

• A “lens” over your perception, so neutral or even positive events are interpreted as evidence that you are failing or not good enough.

• Detrimental to positive self-esteem because they distort your view of yourself.  

Over time, repeated distorted thoughts help hardwire low self-worth into the brain’s networks.

Recognizing and Dismantling Other Inner Critic Tricks

Here’s a brief description of other cognitive distortions used by your inner critic and suggested reframes that you can begin using to start nudging it toward the door, or at least turning down its volume.  

• All‑or‑Nothing Thinking

  • Distortion: Seeing everything as success or failure, perfect or disaster. “If it’s not perfect, I’m a failure.”

  • Reframe: “There is a wide spectrum between perfect and failure; progress counts.”

• Overgeneralization

  • Distortion: One mistake becomes “I always mess things up” or “Nothing ever works for me.”

  • Reframe: “This was one experience, not a life sentence. I can respond differently next time.”

• Mental Filter / Discounting the Positive

  • Distortion: Ignoring compliments, progress, or small wins while obsessing over what went wrong.

  • Reframe: “I am allowed to let positive evidence ‘count’ and help update my self-image.”

• Catastrophizing

  • Distortion: Expecting the worst-case scenario and reacting as if it’s guaranteed.

  • Reframe: “There are multiple possible outcomes; some of them are manageable or even good.”

• Mind‑Reading and Fortune‑Telling

  • Distortion: Assuming you know others are judging you or that the future will go badly, without evidence.

  • Reframe: “I don’t actually know what others think, and I can’t predict the future—but I can influence it.”

• “Should” Statements

  • Distortion: Rigid rules about how you must be, creating shame and guilt: “I should be further along by now.”

  • Reframe: “I have preferences and values, but I’m still human and learning.”

• Labeling

  • Distortion: Turning a behavior into an identity: “I made a mistake” becomes “I am a failure.”

  • Reframe: “Behaviors are changeable; they don’t define my entire identity.”

• Personalization

  • Distortion: Taking responsibility for things outside your control: “It’s my fault they’re upset.”

  • Reframe: “I can own my part, but I’m not responsible for everyone else’s emotions.”

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How These Distortions Create Habits of Thought

We know that repetition is an effective way to impress something into the subconscious mind. This is why we have to keep repeating the alphabet or our times tables until they finally sink in and become known by rote.  Cognitive distortions take hold in the same way. Every time a distorted thought fires, especially when paired with strong emotion (which by the way, is another way to impress something into the subconscious), the brain strengthens the pathways that support that negative story of “I’m wrong,” or “I’m not enough.”

With repetition, these pathways become the default route, and once fully wired, become the faster route for the brain and fire without you even thinking about it. It’s automatic, also known as subconscious. It is now a habit of thought and starts to feel normal, like “That’s just the way I am.”

The good news is that the neuroplastic mechanisms that wired those patterns can also be used to cut them off and create new, positive, and self-compassionate routes. These new routes become detours on your thought highway and eventually get paved over so they become the main route for your thoughts.

How Hypnotherapy Helps Distortions “Shift”

Hypnotherapy is a practical, effective way to purposefully use neuroplasticity. In a hypnotic state, the mind becomes more focused and receptive, which allows you to work directly with the subconscious patterns that drive your automatic thoughts. You can

• Begin to identify the inner critic’s core messages, like “I’m always wrong,” or “I’m not good enough.”

• Introduce new, more truthful and supportive statements, paired with experiences of safety, capability, and self-acceptance.

• Rehearse new responses in vivid mental imagery (e.g., accepting a compliment, speaking up, forgiving yourself) so that your brain begins to treat them as familiar options rather than foreign ideas.

  
  

Over time, repetition of these hypnotic rehearsals, combined with small real-world changes, helps weaken the grip of old distortions and strengthen new, healthier patterns.

Using hypnotherapy is not about pretending you’ve never been wrong, mistreated, or hurt; it’s about helping your brain stop living as if every moment is proof of you being less than, not enough, or somehow broken.  It supports you in becoming the best version of yourself and helps you see yourself more authentically. 

If you struggle with an intrusive inner critic and would like to see how you can use hypnotherapy to begin the eviction process, please click here to schedule a no-cost consultation. We'll talk about how you can experience a shift in your thinking and how to use practical tools to change that self-defeating inner dialogue at the subconscious level.